Nasteedunx

Nasteedunx
Proud Affiliate of DONTBLINKMIXTAPE (DBMT)

August 24, 2010

Celebrity Posters IV: NFL WRs Getting Dunked On


"It Ain't Safe No More..."
~Busta R.

Yeah, we get it. T.O. thinks knows he's nice...


But the man who famously declared "I Love Me Some Me!" surely was hating him some he last month as a former Idaho State Bengal (Antoine "Miles High" Millien, now a "former" Globetrotter?) caught the newest Cincinnati Bengal gloating beneath the hoop at Rucker. Just seconds after catching his oop... oops!


Now... must Chad's running mate change his last name to Terrell OuchoIStinko?

Not necessarily. Fortunately, the man with ten more washboard abs than Super Bowl titles is not even the first NFL player smashed on in the last year... not even the first wide receiver. As we approach Kickoff 2K10, here are a couple more players getting unwittingly flagged for Poster Interference.

Here's Philly receiver Jeremy Maclin catching a Second-Down-And-1 during the Eagles' offseason exhibition in May. Sorta alligator-armed it, though, once he figured he was gettin' got. Even up in Pottstown, it's best not to get caught going over the middle:


And for a Third-Down-And-1, here's T.O.'s former running partner Roy Williams illustrating what happens when the back of your head, not toe, meets leather. The shutdown corner in this one was former Texas-Arlington point guard Marquez Haynes.


~iyf

June 2, 2010

You Just Got YouTubed! IV: Here's A Tip... GET OUT THE WAY







The following video collection of tip jams and putbacks on people is brought to you by your dear friends at JanSport. JanSport Bookbags! Because, wouldn't you rather have one of these ridin' your back?



~iyf

March 14, 2010

Please, Ivan Brothers, Don't Hurt 'Em!


Right on time for the Madness of March, a YouTube viral campaign from your friends at CapitalOne.

Because, as you know, there is NO worse indignity worse than getting dunked on so badly your credit score goes down! Toss in a face full of squirrel fur for good measure.

The upshot: a hapless coach from "West Eastern State" (OK, Pacific U. really) heads into the hinterlands and recruits Vikings (no, not Bryant McKinnie... we're talkin' dem ol'-school 8-foot tall Vikings) in a desperate push for relevancy on Selection Sunday. Vikings are exempt from that minimum-900 SAT thing...


After the horned fella yells, "WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET?!?" into his teabagged opponents ear, his teammates have to remind him that basketball shorts don't come with pockets.

~iyf

February 26, 2010

You Just Got YouTubed! III: Dunked On in the Snow? That's COLD!

Thanks to a one-two punch of El Nino and global warming (cooling?), a lot of cats are gettin flat-out buried this season, under one blizzard after another. Some of the more landlocked competitors kill time with snowball fights, while others... well, you'll see, in this wintry-mix installment of You Just Got YouTubed!

#1 - Daniel and his Driveway Lobbin' ballers are straight 'beastin' in the snow. Danny Boy, in fact, has gone completely bananas...

#2 - Death by frostbite?



#3 - Frostbite's Revenge



#4 - Caught slippin' under the hoop...



#5 - Madcatcon's lookin like a fool with his sweatpants halfway to the ground (dude, seriously, not a good look!)



#6 - C'mon, Zach, don't just stand there... what a Downer!



#7 - Zach, while you're down there, at least make a snow angel or somethin'!



#8 - Look out Anthony... freeze warning!



#9 - Ridky shows his opponent how it's done. Golden rule of streetball: never guard a man whose mama misspelled his name...



~iyf

January 9, 2010

Celebrity Posters III: "The Game" DUNKED ON in ABA



Alton "Sonny" Smith III might want to be really careful about who he's running with, or at least against. The 6'-4" Phoenix native, former Concordia University-Irvine hooper and Odessa Roughnecks Arena Leaguer is featured on a YouTube vid showcasing his boosties in practice, and the video header notes, "Sonny beat Gilbert Arenas at the Nike Real Run in Triple OT." We hope he's not shaking Agent Zero down for any wager money from that contest, since as we know Gil's recently become a world-reknowned "shooting guard" for all the wrong reasons.


Sonny's getting mad bounce while ballin' with the San Diego Surf in the ABA minor league, and now he's really pushing his luck. The Surf's January 5 contest pitted them against the Los Angeles Slam, featuring former streetball star Larry Williams, aka "The Bone Collector." The Bone Collector's services might literally be needed though, after Sonny flew to the rim to challenge the Slam's captain and leading scorer, Jayceon Taylor. You know him as former Billboard Rap Artist of the Year and perennial beef-maker "The Game."




The 6'5" straight-outta-Compton forward and former G-Unit superstar is back on the scene next month with a new LP, "The R.E.D. Album," and can use all the pub he can get. Of course, we here at Nasteedunx are happy to help... in our own special way.

If you're wise, The Game is not exactly the celebrity you'd want to try and show up on the blacktop or the hardwood. He's just a couple years removed from a two-month jail stint for punching a guy and meeting him in the parking lot with a pistol from his Escalade -- after a trash-talking pickup game at a Compton high school. For Sonny's sake, hopefully The Game's probation officer bought a ticket.

The Game's not rocking the mic in this gym, so little chance BET or MTV is hanging around, and an otherwise trivial hoop contest probably means ESPN is not there with cameras in hand. But thankfully for us, you can always count on TMZ to be there! The Game dropped 19 points on the Surf before getting T'd up and booted... but not before ol' Sonny dropped THIS on him. BANG!


Hate It Or Love It, Game. The Underdog's On Top!

~iyf

December 5, 2009

WHITE BOYS CAN’T WHAT? V: Whyte Cloud -- Wipe Yourself After That Royal Flush!

Naming oneself, coincidentally, after a well-renowned brand of cottony-soft bathroom tissue might not be the ideal way to build an intimidating rep on the blacktop. The imagery of being used as a receptacle for opponents’ posteriors on their way to the hoop… not exactly what’s hot in the streets, no?

Such a sobering sobriquet didn’t appear to hinder Forrest Ray “Whyte Cloud” Fisher III, a 6’4” former junior college hoopster, Marine, and briefly prominent NBA D-Leaguer who sent his rep sky-high after wowing ballers and fans alike on the AND1 Mixtape Tour. After getting waived in the NBDL, Fisher made a run for the border two years ago, and has been wrecking shop down in Mexico’s pro leagues.


His exploits with lower-tier online streetball outfits was what truly caught the attention of the AND1 elite, and his dominating performances during Open Run got him first “In the Building,” then “On the Bus” after showing out in the feature contest, leaving announcer Duke Tango clearly in need of some White Cloud toilet paper after that last “OOOOOH, BABY!” So automatic from long-range, he later boasted, “I am the best shooter in America, right now, nobody can prove me different.” Professor Who??



Thanks to Tom Hanks’ low-IQ, Oscar-winning performance, running the streets as a lanky white dude named “Forrest” these days almost demands adopting a nickname… pick any one! But Fisher’s choice of a fluffy, absorbent, 2-ply alias doesn’t need explaining on the courts anymore. Ask this dude caught under the rim below to explain why they called him “Whyte Cloud,” and you won’t hear no **** about Mr. Whipple. Rather, after he gets his neck fixed, he’ll let you know Whyte Cloud had a penchant for bringing the thunder and raining down on unsuspecting bruthas’ parades.


Whyte Cloud’s online rep and newfound hype got him some burn during the NBA’s budding D-League tryout camp. He managed to get drafted in the 8th round, and started the season as a backup guard with the L.A. D-Fenders for a few games.

You just don’t wanna gamble with this guy, whether he’s taking you to the hole… or holding three Aces on the Flop. See, the new forecast for Whyte Cloud is not an appearance in the NBA, but the WSOP, as a professional poker player. One way or another, Gilbert Arenas, watch out… Forrest Fisher is comin’ for ya!

Now more popularly known in cyberspace as “TRYPL3THR3AT 7”, Fisher came away with a little bit of dough at the Oklahoma State Championship of Poker. His furious obsession with online poker caused him, admittedly, to not be playing with a full deck at times, so to speak…

"I really did get addicted to playing online poker. Is this a bad thing, yes when it rules your life. i was playing between 16 and 20 hours a day, everyday. no lie. ok, you wanna know what about my job, i play basketball professionally and it was the offseason. it all really started with this 1 day. read the following blog about that day.

"well, it was so bad i would go to sleep with the mouse in my hand and wake up and get right to playing. after about a month of this and people starting to say something about it i started to drink, and drink alot. Now let me say 1 thing, heavy drinking and playing for profit is not a good combination. i got down and nearly lost everything, wife, job, money, everything.

"The first part of stopping the problem is admitting you have one. Luckily i did, just in time too. I went to rehab and got some therapy. Well, i am back and healthier than ever. I must say my poker sucks now though. But i will let you put that up to the test. Im no longer addicted but the poker junkie in me still lives. lol

"Just remember, poker is fun, lots of fun, but it should never take the place of what really matters in life. Just a little testimony."

Sounds like a dude who's getting his life back in balance. From now on, when he’s bringing “The Nuts,” Fisher hopes it’ll be against the likes of cats like Phil Ivey, rather than Royal Ivey.

Still think Whyte Cloud won’t get where he wants to go? You’d better not bet on it.

~iyf

August 18, 2009

Where Are They Now? XI (2007, Updated 2009)



This edition of Where Are They Now includes two names you maybe haven't heard. Or maybe two that you THINK you haven't heard.

(January 2007)
Victim #11 - James Felton

A sad story, but James Felton died in October 2006. "Natural causes." Heart failure, technically, at the age of 27. Ninety-nine-point-nine percent of America will ask, "who the hell was James Felton?", and rightfully so. But the truest, bluest of Nasteedunx fans, and perhaps one mega-millionaire in Texas, will immediately place a cap over their hearts and offer an R.I.P. to a man whose turnaround ended before it ever could really begin.

James Felton was destined to create a Legend. As the summer of 1996 approached, the 6-foot-9 Felton had transferred high schools and was preparing to guide his new team to a New Jersey regional title, and gain more national exposure in the process. Kentucky was laying on the recruiting pressure thick, and his high school coach quoted Rick Pitino as saying Felton was one of the top ten basketball talents he had ever seen. Ever. SLAM Magazine placed him on a photo spread with two other nationally-hyped names, Elton Brand and Lamar Odom. In the pros, KG was the young stud of the moment, and NBA execs were ready to pluck the next 6-foot-9 star from the high school sky and offer millions. Rising out from the Jersey City projects and comparable to a young Derrick Coleman, Felton had no doubt he'd soon be that star.

James Felton was determined to create a Legend. Scouts, recruiters, sneaker company reps and reporters flocking to the prestigious adidas ABCD Camp in Teaneck, in his home state, were the perfect vehicles to cement his future superstar status. He played well enough during the camp to justify playing in the ABCD All-Star Game for seniors.

July 10, 1996, and James Felton was just moments away from creating a Legend. A wiry, 17-year old, 6-foot-8 wing player, not among the top 500 ranked players entering the summer and unknown to most scouts outside of Central Florida, began to make a name for himself in the scrimmages, upstaging the prime camp draw (Lamar Odom) with sweet shooting, precision passing and wild hops, earning his way into the all-star showcase. It was in this game when Felton found himself isolated in front of the basket as the player, whose name to this point had only escaped the lips of the most serious scouts, emerged from the left wing on a fast break to hurl a violent windmill dunk over the 6-foot-9 manchild who leaped in a futile attempt to block the shot. Like Doctor J, this young man had just "rocked the baby to sleep," and powerfully punctured the ball on the head of a player who was supposed to be the hometown headliner of the camp. In what could only be described as an understatement, pandemonium ensued in the gym.

Said the wonderchild in retrospect: "After I made that dunk, I had chills run through my body. It's like the moment I knew I had finally arrived." Manhattan (now Seton Hall) coach and famous uber-recruiter Bobby Gonzalez said of the dunk, "It was unbelievable. The whole camp stopped. It was like a moment in time when everything stood still."

And with that, James Felton helped create a Legend. Only it was not his own. Within one year, YOU would come to know that Legend simply by the moniker "T-Mac." But at that moment, the shockwaves were reaching every corner of the continent. You should appreciate that this was an age that preceded the capacity of cell phones, video recorders, e-mail and the Internet to get the word out instantly. You should also recognize that the summer of '96 was just the start of the NBA's decade-long obsession with high school players. Pro scouts having witnessed KG's raw potential in the League were convinced to take a chance with kids like a smug Kobe Bryant and a less-confident Jermaine O'Neal in that year's draft. But those players had been watched closely for many years. Like James Felton, the world never saw Tracy McGrady coming.

ABCD Camp creator and adidas basketball director declared T-Mac to be something like a phenomenon.“Nothing like Tracy had ever happened before at ABCD… His name spread through the camp like wildfire.We’ve had kids come out of the woodwork before, but at least they were known by somebody. Tracy was a complete unknown.”

Hoop Scoop proclaimed the sleepy-eyed Florida prodigy the "sleeper of the decade," and a young man who entered the camp not touted among the top 500 prep prospects ended his summer at number two, right behind the much-hyped Odom. Hoops reporters scrambled to find this McGrady kid. Desiring to become a factory for blue-chip basketball recruits, Mount Zion Christian Academy in North Carolina made it easy to find him. Pitino began wooing McGrady with a scholarship offer… instead of Felton. SLAM and SI wrote feature articles on McGrady and his new nationally-dominant team. USA Today names him the National High School Player of the Year. A 1997 McDonald's All-American, he wowed the crowds at both Mickie D's and Magic's Roundball Classic.

You know the rest of the story. If not for the electrifying dunk over James Felton, Tracy McGrady would not have been the ninth pick in the '97 draft. He might never have had the chance to discover that a teammate on the Raptors, Vince Carter, was actually his cousin. We might never have seen the spectacle they put on together at the 2000 Dunk Contest. The ABCD Camp sponsor, adidas, would never have the chance to offer a $12 million dollar shoe contract, unheard of for a high school kid (say thanks, LeBron), and ride the T-Mac hype train out from under the shadows of MJ's Nike and AI's Reebok. No free agent pay-day with the Orlando Magic. Nounreal 13-points-in-33-second torching display with the Rockets against the Spurs. If you don't know the rest of the story, just ask Kornel David, Alonzo Mourning `n P.J. Brown, Yao Ming, Othella Harrington, Drew Gooden, and Shawn Bradizzle what T-Mac did to them.

You may know a whole lot less about James Felton. While it's easy to claim him a victim of McGrady's success, he was really a victim of diabetes plus undiagnosed mental imbalances that led to bouts with depression, alcoholism, multiple personalities, and kleptomania in a community where crime pays. If these flaws were ever diagnosed, they went largely untreated because people wouldn't look at a 6-9 specimen, who could "run like a deer" and put the ball in the hoop, and see a troubled young man.

In his senior year, he burned his bridges with Kentucky staff during a Midnight Madness trip and, following the advice of a former assistant coach, decided to stay close to home, heading to St. John's instead.

His teammates included Queens' Finest (freshman Ron Artest), Felipe Lopez, Lavor Postell, and Zendon Hamilton. With Felton, recruits Erick Barkley and Roshown McLeod, the Red Storm would have been a certain lock for an NCAA title in a couple years. But within months he'd miss a flight to the season-opening tournament, invite friends to MSG practices who'd pick the locker rooms clean, and try to pawn off Lopez's sneakers. When he finally did play, he got schooled by Elton Brand in a matchup with Duke. Lethargic attitudes at practice caused the Johnnies to rescind their scholarship after just six games. He would tell the media he was sent packing because he failed a test for marijuana, but the NCAA didn't test for this drug.

Florida State would give him a second chance that same year, only to find players with clothes, money and jewelry missing, and a VCR lifted from the locker room. The sticky-fingered Felton, now at 6-foot-10 and 260 pounds, couldn't hide from disgrace and was dismissed by the `Noles before he could reach eligibility.

After toiling at a community college in Jersey to regain eligibility, St. Peter's College would give him a second second-chance at Division I-A ball. The Peacocks' bridge got burned too. Showed up at practice drunk and pushed the coaches around. Promised he'd get his alcohol problems, and his legal troubles from trying to pawn stolen property again, behind him. His head coach bent over backwards to arrange a final exam that would help him become academically eligible. For whatever reason, Felton skipped the exam, then lied to his coach, insisting he took it.

Felton's strange trip brought him full-circle back to Teaneck, New Jersey, the town where fate took a wrong turn when he crossed paths with McGrady. He regained just enough trust to get a third second-chance, this time a scholarship with Fairleigh Dickinson in 2000. He got suspended for most of 2000-2001, the season McGrady earned his first All-Star Game appearance and the Most Improved Player award. In 2001-2002, T-Mac was an All-NBA First-Team selection. In 2001-2002, Felton managed 24 games and was All-Northeast Conference at center, putting down 20-and-7 per contest for the Knights, although at 4-25 it was the team's worst hoops season ever.

Beside a training camp tryout with the Nuggets in 2002, the NBA never really came calling for his services. He spent time that fall with one of the roving Nike Elite exhibition squads colleges used to thump just to get their season started with a home win. Played Ohio State twice in a month, once with Nike and then weeks later with the Harlem Globetrotters , lining up with "Officer" Olden Polynice and "Blindman" Cedric Ceballos. An overseas league would show a little interest, but another outstanding arrest warrant for robbery kept him from securing a passport.

His last notable stop was in the fledgling ABA league with the Boston Frenzy . Felton spent a few games in 2004 sharing the bench with Kobe's pop and Frenzy head coach "Jellybean" Bryant, plus 7-foot-7 Neil Fingleton, Moses Malone, Jr., and three AND1 ballers: Spyda, Helicopter and Prime Objective.

He eventually returned to the Garden State and worked as a substitute teacher for the Jersey City public schools, but sadly never could tear himself away from the bottle. His wife found him dead in their apartment in October, and many believe it was a combination of binge drinking and failure to take his diabetes meds.

We'll never know, had fate had sent him in a different direction (say, if Felton were the dunker that day instead of the dunkee) whether he could have found his way into the pros like his colleagues and received some real help to straighten out his life, or if instead his eventual death would be as high-profile as Len Bias'.

We'll never know. But we do know that Tracy McGrady would not have become "T-Mac!" without the role played by James Felton. Hopefully, Tracy McGrady knows, too.

(2009 UPDATE: About a year and a half after this Nasteedunx article, ESPN Magazine sportswriter Bruce Feldman offered a personal synopsis of Felton, who caused now superstar McGrady a momentary bout of amnesia. When asked if he remembered Felton, McGrady replied, “Nope… Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was That Guy. The Dunk.”)



Facializer #11 – Zachariah "Dunk on Anybody" Andrews

Put down your Kleenex! After such a sad tale, I promise no more sob stories.

I would just like for you to know that Zack Andrews was named Missouri Valley Conference player of the week for Bradley University in November. The 6-foot-8 forward joined the Braves as a transfer from Yuba College last year as the team joined the NCAA dance for the first time since 1995.

I'd just like you to know that Zack is leading the Valley in field goal percentage, and leads the team with 7.4 rebounds to go along with 10.9 points per game.

Stop looking at the screen like that. Whaddya mean, "Who the hell is Zack Andrews?"

Well, a not-so-aptly named "guard" from Sierra College would definitely NOT like you to know what Andrews did above his head in a community college bout in 2005. You'll recall it made Sportscenter's #1 play that night.


(2009 UPDATE: Still a Playa, still throwing it down. Zack was last seen professionally overseas in Spain, in 2008 with El Costa Urbana Playas de Santa Pola, and up until this past May with C.B. Rayet Guadalajara.


He's also been spotted frequently in North Cali, bopping on ballers as an alumnus with the Sacramento Professional Development League -- alongside NBA players Bobby Jackson, Mike Bibby, Matt Barnes, and Kevin Martin -- the Blue Collar Preps program, and YayArea'sFinest Mixtape.



Also a touching blog from 2006 on why Thanksgiving Day holds a heart-wrenching place in his mind -- on second thought, you'd better hang on to that Kleenex...)

~iyf

July 20, 2009

WHITE BOYS CAN’T WHAT? IV: Mike Marra -- That Just Ain’t “Right”

Ladies and Gentlemen, we may have found Him.

First, take JJ Redick’s collegiate shooting prowess. Now, add a dose of vintage Darrell Griffith’s boosties, and you have just given Doctor Frankenstein a run for his money. This particular monster masher goes by the name of Mike Marra, and you have just created the dude who might win the College 3-Point Shootout AND Dunk Contest in the same weekend.

The tatted-out 6’5” Northfield Mount Hermon grad was plucked by Louisville. Cards coach Rick Pitino crowed that the young gun was “the best shooter I had ever seen.” With apologies to Billy Donovan and Tony Delk. Oh, and Mike’s a good paisan to boot:

"I was joking with my son (assistant coach Richard Pitino) and said go out and see if you can find me a terrific Italian basketball player. We laughed about it and he said, 'Sure, I'll make that a priority.' A couple of months later he said, 'I found that Italian and can you believe he's from your favorite place - Providence, R.I.' He said he could flat out shoot it. I went to see him a few times. I've been recruiting for a long time - he's the best high school shooter I have ever seen in my life. I know that's quite a statement. Now he has to get the rest of his game to catch up to his shooting prowess. But he has NBA range, he gets it off quickly and he has perfect form and perfect arch."

And who’s to argue? Never mind his dunk-contest exploits at the beginning of the vid below, peep the deadeye range at the end:


But the best slam dunkers of the Caucasian persuasion know that pinpoint-accurate shooting gives opponents the sense that it’s ALL you can do on the court. And once you’ve set them up, then you can go out and do wicked stuff like THIS to busters…






Just ask Dave “Stiltz” Rufful, a Dartmouth forward and aspiring right-wing rapper with the “Young Cons”…


… what it’s like to get a wooden spoon of Marra-nasty sauce.

Stiltz got windmill-dunked-on so vehemently rough and awful (rufful?) during a spring run, by his former high school teammate no less. Anybody feel a breeze?…



…Fox News immediately sought cover for Rufful, convening a 5-star Swift Boat panel that night to discuss:

“COULD MIKE MARRA BE A COMMUNIST?!?”

BILL KRISTOL: “Well, I mean, c’mon, let’s be reasonable. At least Marra cuffed it on Ruff with his RIGHT hand…”

ANN COULTER: “But he went at the rim from the LEFT! A typical bleeding-heart approach! What an infidel! Basketball is so inhumane anyway, nothing like hockey… Oh, I’ll be back. Spencer Hawes just tweeted me.”

JUAN WILLIAMS: “That’s the problem with white kids like Marra, anyway. Too much basketball culture! Turns them into tattoo-plastered windmilling thugs. That’s why I took up hopscotch during my leaner years...”

GERALDO RIVERA: “I just hope for that Vanilla Ice boy’s sake he put on some decent deodorant.”

CHRIS WALLACE: “We cannot confirm at this time whether Michael Moore is buying exclusive rights to the tape for his next documentary, “RIGHT MEN CAN’T JUMP.”

SARAH PALIN: “It’s what I always warn Trig, that THIS is what happens when you hang with the liberal elite at Ivy League schools like Louisville.”

PANEL: …

MIKE HUCKABEE: “Er… we’d better go to break. UP NEXT: Richard Jefferson and the NBA’s Closeted Agenda Against Opposite-Sex Marriage.”

~iyf

What? What?

Nasteestats

Powered By Blogger