Okay, no, I Dunk On Adolescents!, that's not the title. It's actually Padded Room, and it's rhyme-spitter Joe Budden's first studio-release album in about half a decade. If the fully-wrapped Lincoln Navigators patrolling my 'hood by the otherwise-underemployed are to be believed, it's IN STORES NOW! Don't snap your own ankles, now, slow your roll... you can at least finish the blog before taking off for "da Store," as I think they won't run out of CDs.
Harlem-born and Jersey-bred, Joe Budden was once a blue-chip hoops prospect in his prep school years, and pops up at celebrity basketball events pretty often, either to play or perform. In his first (and last, 'til now) major album, JB's "Pump It Up" became a certified anthem for the streetball courts...
...and with hits chock-full of such inspirational lyrics as...
...somebody thought it would be a brilliant idea to promote his newest album before some needy children, perhaps playing a little friendly game of hoops.
Oh, snap. Did I say something about friendly?
Joe took time out from promoting his album in Orlando's Parramore 'hood (Note to travelers: You will NOT find Mickey there. Or Shamu. Let's just leave it there, shall we?) to visit an youth center furnished with a halfcourt hoop out back.
Whether he offered any advice to the young heads as to the virtues of "spittin' it out and slurpin' that" is still in question. What's NOT in question is his eagerness to take at-risk adolescents repeatedly to the hole... and bury them in it.
These poor kids from Central Florida's Tragic Kingdom had more than enough to deal with. Crime. Drugs. Abuse. Poverty. Now, tack on lil' girls with broken ankles, boys having their shots swatted clear to Kissimmee, and kids getting smashed on left and right, hoop dreamz all shattered, all thanks to some once-aspiring ex-baller whose album just dropped and is IN STORES NOW! (see the trucks?) He's got these kids looking for "Padded Rooms" and "Halfway Houses" of their own, now.
To be fair, though, one girl did manage to drain a J in his eye. The LA Clippers immediately dispatched a scout to sign her to a 10-day. Sadly, Joe's good BFF buddy, Saigon, could not be reached for comment.