February 26, 2009

Celebrity Posters II: JOE BUDDEN - "I Dunk On Lil' Kidz." IN STORES NOW!

Okay, no, I Dunk On Adolescents!, that's not the title.  It's actually Padded Room, and it's rhyme-spitter Joe Budden's first studio-release album in about half a decade. If the fully-wrapped Lincoln Navigators patrolling my 'hood by the otherwise-underemployed are to be believed, it's IN STORES NOW!  Don't snap your own ankles, now, slow your roll... you can at least finish the blog before taking off for "da Store," as I think they won't run out of CDs.

Harlem-born and Jersey-bred, Joe Budden was once a blue-chip hoops prospect in his prep school years, and pops up at celebrity basketball events pretty often, either to play or perform.  In his first (and last, 'til now) major album, JB's "Pump It Up" became a certified anthem for the streetball courts...

...and with hits chock-full of such inspirational lyrics as...

Hold up she want work that twork that
Then again let me hurt that murk that
Til you gotta hurt back
Can't spit it out, boo you gotta slurp that
Can't cuddle after we done, it wasn't worth that
Joey I'm responsible for bringin Jersey back (And we bad huh)
She at the bar stylin' she throwing it up
She drink a little hypno, throwing it up
But I'm only dealing with freaks that wanna cut
Ma if you agree I want nut
Camcorder, get it played late night on BET Uncut (uhh)

...somebody thought it would be a brilliant idea to promote his newest album before some needy children, perhaps playing a little friendly game of hoops.

Oh, snap.  Did I say something about friendly?

Joe took time out from promoting his album in Orlando's Parramore 'hood (Note to travelers: You will NOT find Mickey there. Or Shamu. Let's just leave it there, shall we?) to visit an youth center furnished with a halfcourt hoop out back.

Whether he offered any advice to the young heads as to the virtues of "spittin' it out and slurpin' that" is still in question.  What's NOT in question is his eagerness to take at-risk adolescents repeatedly to the hole... and bury them in it.

These poor kids from Central Florida's Tragic Kingdom had more than enough to deal with.  Crime. Drugs. Abuse. Poverty.  Now, tack on lil' girls with broken ankles, boys having their shots swatted clear to Kissimmee, and kids getting smashed on left and right, hoop dreamz all shattered, all thanks to some once-aspiring ex-baller whose album just dropped and is IN STORES NOW! (see the trucks?)  He's got these kids looking for "Padded Rooms" and "Halfway Houses" of their own, now.

To be fair, though, one girl did manage to drain a J in his eye.  The LA Clippers immediately dispatched a scout to sign her to a 10-day.  Sadly, Joe's good BFF buddy, Saigon, could not be reached for comment.


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