After putting the Monster Mash on AK-47 in the Playoffs, a guard with mad hops gets to Mash something else. It’s all part of “The Deal…”
DATELINE – Saturday, May 12, 2007, 5:19 AM PST
Hilton Oakland Airport Hotel -
It’s five a.m., and no, there was no good night’s sleep for Mr. Andrei Kirilenko. Tossing and turning on the bed at his grungy
"I think I was late on the help. That's why I got dunked on. At least I got on the poster."
Would’ve been nice had he gotten back to the room and had his lovely wife waiting for him. Alas, Mrs. K wasn’t having it on this night. She wasn’t giving it, either.
His better half, Masha, stumbles through the door. She’s sauntering gingerly into the hotel room, hair disheveled, lipstick smudged and, as best as Andrei could tell, a tad bowlegged. What in blazes was so exciting about Oaktown nightlife that had Mrs. Kirilenko running the streets until five in the morning?
“You’ve got some explaining to do, Miss Lopatova,” he bellows to Masha, rubbing the back of her head as if someone’s been tugging at her hair.
“Andrei, sweetie… you remember we made that Deal, right?”
It is an agreement that causes almost every red-blooded American male to pause and bow, to bestow praise to the Russian supermodel for this noble and flexible approach to lifelong fidelity… and every red-faced American woman to roll her eyes in disgust. Masha, Masha, Masha!
But with all the media hype over the leaking of this clause, there’s another half of The Deal that no one bothered to ask about. One that only Masha knows quite well. In return for being so flexible, The Missus gets one lifetime chance to find a man who’ll do her right… for one night only.
Just weeks ago, it was at the grand opening of her new fashion shop in The Gateway shopping plaza in downtown Salt Lake when Masha had a notion to cash in on her end of The Deal. She had just opened a boutique for tall men and women to find stylish yet casual clothing, not an easy find outside of
Now, while at the hotel peeking at the conference semis Game 3, between episodes of "Martha Stewart Living," Masha fixes her eyes on Fedora Man. Up by a comfortable 20 points with just minutes to spare, almost as though he knew she was watching, he decided the time was ripe to send out The Signal. He blew past the flailing Jazz guard Deron Williams on the left wing, drove to the hoop and illustriously sacked her Russian husband as if he was getting revenge for Apollo Creed in Rocky IV. Game Over.
Photographers and cameramen around the arena must have sensed the tremors before the Quake, because they caught shots of this utter destruction, in progress, from every conceivable angle.